


Oh my God, they were roommates

by Pleaseletmeliveinpeace



Category: Vinland Saga (Anime), Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: Angst, BUT ITS HARD, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Funny, I'm trying not to OCC, M/M, Slow Burn, bear with me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 10:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21117497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleaseletmeliveinpeace/pseuds/Pleaseletmeliveinpeace
Summary: Asgeir thought that it would be a good idea to share a flat with a stranger.The place was nice, the price low and his roommate had no criminal records, what else could he ask for?What Asgeir did not expect is that he would end up having a metamorphosis from "tired office worker " to "mother hen of an asshole"Modern AU drabbles





	1. Rule 1) Ask before taking others food

When Thorkell arrived home, he heard a weird sound coming from the kitchen. As he got closer, he saw the figure of his friend bending over the table with a lot of food tapers surrounding him.

"87, 88, 89, 90..."

"Hi, Asgeir! What are you doin'?"

"...Hello Thorkell, I'm counting my beans" Said the busy man before continuing with his task

"...Why?"

Asgeir counted till 100 before giving a long sigh and turning around to confront his roommate

"From the start of this week my food has been disappearing, yesterday I bought 3 hamburgers and just one half was left when I checked, AND I HAVEN'T EATEN ANY" Taking a deep breath, Asgeir continued "So... I decided to do a list" 

Asgeir handed a long paper over Thorkell, in it were the quantities (very exact values) of all of his food. 

"Thorkell, I really don't care if you take my food, but you have to ask first. Believe me when I say that if you don't stop, I will throw you out of the window"

"Wah! So mean! You would never do that to me!"

"Wanna bet?"

Thorkell decided to shut up and look at his friend, after all, Asgeir had every right to be angry. Thorkell decided to concede and promise that he would never take Asgeir's stuff without asking again.

Two weeks later, Canute (the landlord of the building) was watering the plants when he saw how one of his tenants fell down from the third floor to one of the pretty bushes that he had just watered.

"They are going to pay for this" muttered Canute while taking a calculator out of nowhere and typing maliciously


	2. Rule 2) If the rent goes up, it's never your fault

"Hey, Thorkell" Asgeir regarded his friend that was with a can of beer sitting in the livingroom "Did you know that Canute raised the housing rates once again?"

"Don't talk about him, my drink gets spoiled" murmured the giant "That imbecile does not know when no stop bullshitting"

"But... Last time he had every right to do so, you know? You broke the door edge in a hurry to go piss, you left quite the whole..."

"It's not my fault that they made tiny doors! He should have recompensated me instead! That guy... After everything he did to make me stay and now he treats me like shit"

Asgeir couldn't contain his laugh, gaining an angry pout from his best friend. 

That day they drank beer together before going (both drunk as a sailor) to complain at Canute's flat downstairs.


	3. Rule 3) If the Landlord is sick, go bother him

Canute got sick, and the pair of friends thought that it would be a good idea to go and bother him.

They opened the door of their landlord (it was unlocked) and entered his room without permission. Canute was in bed, frowning with disgust and confusion at their arrival.

Asgeir sat by his bedside before asking "Then... What seems to be the problem?"

"It all started the day I was born..."

Thorkell coughed, stoping Canute. Then he approached the ill one and scrutinized him with his gaze "Asgeir, I think that our landlord is delusional"

"Are you sure about that?" Asgeir leaned closer to Canute and asked: "Do you know who just came to see you?"

Canute closed his eyes trying to concentrate before answering "...the doctor?"

"Yes! The doctor!" Thorkell pushed Asgeir to a side to sit closer to Canute.

"Am I dying, doctor?"

"We are all dying, just at different speeds," said Asgeir from behind Thorkell

"But what about me," asked Canute

"You are like the Usain Bolt of dying, lmao" exclaimed Thorkell before letting off a hearty laugh

That received a snort from Asgeir and a sigh from Canute

"At least, I'm going to die doing what I love"

"What do you love?" 

"Dying"


	4. Rule 4) If roommate is sick, take care of him

Visiting their sick landlord 3 days ago was a bad idea, and Asgeir was suffering the consequences.  
¿Asgeir got sick? Oh no, my dear reader, the sick one is Thorkell.

"Asgeirrr!!!!! My head hurts"

"Asgeiir! I'm cold!"

"Asgeir I'm hot!"

"I'm bored!"

"I'm hungry!"

Asgeir has never done something as tiring as taking care of his friend, he was so busy that he had to call work to ask for his vacations to be before the agreed time.

"Thorkell! Keep yourself warm and don't come to the kitchen! Changes in temperature affect your health!" after that Asgeir guided Thorkell back to his bed and wrapped him in blankets "I know that you are hungry, the food will be ready in a sec, but I warn you Thorkell, I'm not your housekeeper so don't give me so much trouble"

"Asgeeeeiiiir"

"What"

"You treat me so weeell~"

Asgeir laughed at his dramatic roommate before bringing their dinner to Thorkell's room.

"Thabjskiu"

"I can't understand you. Sallow your food first"

Thorkell nodded and continued "Thank you"

"Of course" said Asgeir standing up to take the dirty dishes to the kitchen "You would do the same for me"


	5. Rule 5) Don't mess with the mental health of the landlord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be using the OC of a friend this chapter. Thank you Superfunething for giving me permission to use Ogden!

"Thorkell, what happened with the snacks that we bought for the movies today?"

"What are you talking about?" 

Asgeir looked at him suspiciously before taking out a receipt "cookies, pudding, chips, CocaCola, beer, juice, chocolate... Did you ate all of it??"

Pressed by his friend, Thorkell passed to the stages of excusing himself "Asgeir, there is a very good reason for this!"

Asgeir crossed his arms and said with contempt "Let's hear it"

Thorkell moved his hand over his stomach and said "I'm pregnant"

"..."

"..."

Later that day, Canute found himself talking with Ogden (the landlord of the neighboring building) about their problematic tenants.

"I'm telling you Nute, my tenants Askeladd and Bjorn are always avoiding rent, we are six months behind already!" Screamed Ogden before composing himself "Anyway, how about yee?"

Canute was about to say something when they both saw how one of Canute tenants fell from the third floor landing in the just fixed bushes.

"Is he okay??" Asked Ogden ready to go and help Thorkell.

Sadly he didn't have the chance to put on using his medical skills since Thorkell stood up pretty quickly and started shouting apologizes at his roommate.

Canute just sighed before taking out a calculator "They are always like this, don't mind them... Ok, that would be $200 for my new bushes"

"Wow dude, isn't that a bit too much?" 

"$50 for the bushes, $150 for emotional support"


	6. Rule 6) No Tinder dates over the flat

Sigvaldi was worried about the amorous life of his brother Thorkell, so he assumed that it would be a good thing to introduce him with a girl from Tinder.  
Because it sounds like a good idea to invite an unknown girl at your brother's home without asking, right?

Sadly, said brother was outside the day of the date, so while Asgeir was cooking their dinner that night he found a woman knocking the door and asking for Thorkell.

"He forgot to tell me that we had visits tonight" Asgeir didn't want to let the woman in, thing that he showed by obstructing the doorway with his body.

"We connected through Tinder, he said that he would meet me here for our first date" The woman proceeded to show him the pictures and messages 'exchanged'.

Asgeir frowned and tentatively let her pass.

"Sit down, this must have been some sort of misunderstanding, wait until Thorkell arrives to clear things up" Announcing that Asgeir returned to the kitchen wanting to stay away from that woman.

"Are you cooking?" Asked the lady trailing him to the kitchen.

"..."

"What's for dinner tonight?"

"Steak (not that you will have any)"

"I'm a vegan... Surely you have something for me?"

"Hunger," Said Asgeir before taking pen and paper to write a note.

Slamming said note in the refrigerator, Asgeir grabbed his food and proceeded to lock himself up in his bedroom. 

The confused girl approached the refrigerator to read the note:

"If my roommate meets you on Tinder you have no right to go through my fridge.

Get your own food, hoe"

15 minutes later Thorkell arrived, but instead of seeing the figure of his friend cooking his favorite food (as promised) he saw a woman sitting in their kitchen counter playing with her phone.

"ASGEIR WHO IS THIS, YOU REPLACED ME?"

Asgeir got out of his room after hearing his roommate's arrival"What the hell Thorkell, you bring a girl to our house without asking and I'm the one replacing someone??"

"Bring her? I don't even know who she is!" Thorkell turned around to look at the poor lady "...Who are you?"

"Your Tinder date," Said the annoyed girl "This is stupid, if you were angry with your boyfriend you didn't have to do this to make him jealous" after declaring that, the girl grasped her stuff with every intention to get out of there as quick as she could.

"Hey, I'm not his boyfr-" Asgeir couldn't finish speaking because of the sound produced by their door being slammed.

The boys looked at each other before starting to laugh. After a while, they took some beer from the fridge before sitting on the sofa.

"So...your brother arranged that?" inquired Asgeir taking a sip of his beer.

"Most certainly" growled Thorkell.


	7. Rule 7) Don't get worked up over a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be more occ than the others... Sorry for that ;;;

They had their first big fight over the weekend, commenced with something petty like cleaning the dishes but soon stuff from other times added up until... They both snapped.

"If you are so tired of me worrying about you, maybe you should leave!" roared resentful Asgeir.

"I will if you keep being like this!" threatened Thorkell.

"Good for me! Take everything you like and go!" Asgeir turned around after that, trying to ignore the regret that was starting to build in his chest.

He had little time for feeling sad though because a second later he was lifted by Thorkell and placed like a potato bag over his back.

"What's the meaning of this?? Thorkell??" Asgeir trashed about, full of indignation.

"You said it yourself, take everything you like and leave" snarled Thorkell before getting out of their apartment with Asgeir on his shoulder.

Asgeir reddened and swallowed his curses before letting himself be dragged throughout the neighboorhood.


	8. Rule 8) If you mess up, flirt your way out of it

It has been a really bad idea to send Thorkell to buy the groceries.

"Thorkell... I asked you to buy us real food, not this garbage!" Sighed Asgeir while pulling off all the candies and beer from the plastic bags onto the kitchen table, "You could have followed the menu that I made... It wasn't that hard"

Thorkell neared Asgeir with puppy eyes, and in an attempt to make his boyfriend feel better he said "You know what's on my menu? me-n-u"

Asgeir let out a huff and proceeded to regard him with weary eyes, "I'm not drunk enough for this..."

Thorkell took that as an encouragement, and handing over a can of beer to Asgeir he continued, "Then let's make sure you are because I'm ain't stopping anytime soon!"

Asgeir ended up overlooking his hunger thanks to the embarrassed/amused state in which Thorkell has put him in with dreadful pickup lines.

"If you where a transformer, you'd be Optimus Fine!"

"Please stop" begged Asgeir trying to hold his laugh and taking a big drink of beer.

"You are hotter than Papa's Bears porridge?" Replied Thorkell

"That's just straight-up weird dear" 

"Then...Do you like sailing? Because I'd ship you and me together" 

After a couple of minutes in this fashion, Asgeir gaze turned blurry (blame the alcohol) and his mood brightened thanks to his fuzzy head, so there was nothing obstructing him anymore from following Thorkell with the flirting spree, "Ok then, let me try" He stood up and clumsily approached his lover while saying "Your body is 70% water, and I'm really thirsty"

Thorkell blushed furiously and his flirting halted, taking note of the drunken state of his partner. Sadly, he didn't have a chance to get himself together since Asgeir was already placing himself over his lap "Kissing burns 6.4 calories per minute babe, wanna workout?" 

[Thorkell.exe has stopped working]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you superfunething for the advice! Made this chapter easier to understand! <3


	9. Rule 9) Don't react about every little thing

"Asgeir!" Thorkell hugged Asgeir's body lying on the ground "Promise me that you won't die! Promise me!"

"I can't promise you that..."

Thorkell hugged with more strength the cold body of his lover.

"I can't promise you that... When you are squeezing me that strongly... I can't breathe you imbecile"

"Asgeiiir!!! AAAAAAAA!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!"

"I just fking screamed 'cus the water in the shower was too cold!" huffed Asgeir while trying to break apart from Thorkell's death grip "There is no need to make a fuss about it!" 

"But when I entered the bathroom you were lying on the floor!" said the taller one with puppy eyes while finally releasing his partner.

"...I slipped trying to get the hell out of the cold water, please stop worrying about it... For my pride at least"


	10. Rule 10) Always be aware of who is the real enemy

"Thorkell"

"Hm?" 

Asgeir looked at Thorkell with a solemn expression "This will be the first and last time I let you punch through the wall, we- must defeat this enemy" Asgeir grabbed some gloves before turning away from his lover "I don't think that Canute will charge us for this, he is a reasonable man after all" 

Thorkell nodded and proceeded to close his eyes, letting out a long breath before screaming at the top of his lungs and charging towards the wall.

Sadly, he was not able to effectively land a hit on his target because the enemy was very fast and had teleported to the furthest corner of the wall.

That didn't stop Thorkell from making a hole on it though.

"You are an interesting warrior, but you cannot keep scaping! Face me like a man!" 

At that, the fearsome warrior moved with amazing speed towards Thorkell, causing the man to shriek and run towards his lover "I have failed you Asgeir! I cannot defeat this foe! I'll die in here... It's my time"

Asgeir grabbed his lover's hand "Don't worry, you won't die alone. I can't escape either, I guess its time for both of us- At least, let's have a dignified death" 

Both were closing their eyes when the entrance door was slammed open, showing the umphazed face of their landlord.

Canute looked towards the hole for a couple of seconds and sighed, now fully entering the apartment.

Then, at a steady pace, he approached the wall, killing a spider with his bare hands when it dared to approach him while he was calculating how much would it cost to fix the enormous hole.

"He killed it..." Asgeir muttered. 

"HAHAHA! I ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!" exclaimed Thorkell before envolving Canute in a fierce hug.

Canute returned the hug just to have an excuse to clean his hand free from the dead body of the spider.

"Yeah, I didn't know that I had it in me to charge you that much for a hole, but after everything, I think It's just appropriate" 

Thorkell quickly released Canute, shooting him a confused look while their now freed landlord scribbled in a paper before slapping it over their kitchen counter.

Asgeir barely registered that Canute was leaving as he approached the piece of paper with a feeling of dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for Ally, thanks for making me remember I still had this fic.

**Author's Note:**

> My English is not my first language, so please forgive grammatical mistakes!


End file.
